HAPPY TRICK-OR-TREAT day. . .

So I am way to little to trick or treat &
I doubt I could even get my
hands around a tootsie roll. . . .
but I am officially a little "pumpkin"

Would some one PLEASE get me
back in bed?

My nurse thought I was so cute that
she took off my monitors &
poked my little self out in the hall. . .

. . . and this is the sign that one of my primary
nurses made last night.
They are fabulous girls & spoil
me & dad & mom all
to pieces!

So Happy Halloween & now I will go back to sleeping. . . . Later:)

On The Night Before Halloween. . .

. . . . I will show you some of my life. . .a lot of things are a bit repetative up here in this hospital, but I am far to small (even though I think I'm normal sized) to realize that fact. I hope you all are doing well, it's been awhile:) I got my very first real bath last night in a tub that was minature. My mom was having a panic attack because I was so slippery and Dad was almost as bad. Parents ? ? ! What is wrong with these people? I now weigh 4 pounds & 9 ounces & I fill out my preemie outfits, it's almost time to start shopping for shoes. I also drink out of bottles now, although sometimes I forget to breathe because I'm so little, but really I do a good job. (mom panics at that too) So I'm growing & one of these days I will start running with dad. I wonder where my sis is? Someday I will look at the moon & wonder if she sees the same one. . . when the leaves blow off the trees I will think she's whispering to me. . . the first time I see the ocean, I hope we listen to the waves together. . . sometimes she feels so far away. . .but we are half of each other and time nor space will ever change that fact. . . so for now I will hold her in my heart & she will watch me & one of these days we will see each other & run down the streets of heaven holding hands where at last we can be together again. . . I don't know if you wear shoes in heaven but if you do, we'll get matching ones, I can hardly wait. So back to my little life here. . . .

This is my dad. . . apparently all he ever
does is stare at me

This is my spot in the world
(notice my new BIG girl bed! ! !)

These are my friends that never stray to far
from me.

This is my favorite past-time. It's called
"Fish Lips"

&. . . this is me. I love to sleep & drown the rest
of the world out. I also love to wear my hats.
Oh, & did I mention that I am now
a noise machine?
There is no end to all the different
noises one can make. . .
you really should try it. Well I must
really sign off.
Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my soul to keep
If I should die before I wake
I pray the Lord my soul to take
. . . .
& won't you please tell Lizzy I
Love her?
. . . .

Mommy Love. . .

  So I never knew just how much you can love a child. I realize all over tonight just how good I have it. I hope I never loose sight of that. Sometimes life just seems to run away with you & you forget the things that really count. On my way home from the hospital tonight I was thinking how sick and tired I am of not living a "normal" life. What really is a normal life? I want this phase to go away so I can move on to the next one, but I'm not so sure that when the next one comes I won't be wishing for the next. Why is it so hard to be happy in each day sometimes? In life there is a reason for everything even though we don't see it. . . & more often than not I guess it's for our own good.
   So to my honey. . . you've made my life beautiful. To our little girl Olly, you've brought a whole new meaning to our days, and to our other little girl Lizzy, we can't see you, but we feel you. . . & we would like it if you would keep watching over us . . .
  and to the rest of you, you've made this "sphere" a homey place to live :) Enough of me being sappy  & on to the next thing. . . Olly now weighs 4 pounds & 1 ounce:) She actually looked like she filled out her little jammers today. Time for a party I think.

This is my home away from the home I've
actually never been to. . .

Why does everyone keep staring at me?

&

Goodnight to you all. . . .

My First Bottle. . .

My first try. . .

Burping. . .

After the fact. . .

My new outfit from Daddy

. . . . So it is WAY past this mommy's bedtime, but I had to share this with the world at large, whoever you may be. Our tiny little 3 pound 15 ounce child had her first bottle this evening. Josh & I were both terrified after all the things they told us that preemie's "could" do with their first attempt at real feeding. The nurse just nonchalantly grabbed little miss Olly out of her bed smacked her on her knee & proceeded to give her the bottle. It took her a little bit to realize that you have to suck, swallow, & breathe in order for the whole situation to work. I thought it would take forever & that she would MAYBE get a few drops, but to our surprise she attacked that bottle with vigor. We had to keep pulling it out of her mouth because she went at it so fast it would have been down in a second. So she really is our daughter, now that we realize how much she loves food:) ! !  I figure she'll be sharing my burger any day now.

My silly little family :)

Wrong Side Of Bed. . .

. . .  I do realize that this is supposed to be about the "ALLISON TWINS" but I'm going to let you in on my seriously weird day. It wasn't a wrong side of bed because of my mood, but because I can't seem to get anything right:)
  Yesterday I drove home to see my hubby (because it seems I never see him any more) so I was in McPherson overnight. We walked to Lizzy's grave, Josh had planted one of the mums we got at the funeral, beside her. It is really cute & makes us feel better to have something there. I didn't ever think I was a flower person until the night I walked into church & beside Lizzy were all these beautiful flowers. It made everything seem better somehow, so I decided I am a flower person after all.
  So back to the original subject; I guess I will number my "misshaps" because there is no other way to do it.
# 1 I left home this morning and realized it was day, which meant the sun was shining & I had no sunglasses so I turned around ran back inside & couldn't find them anywhere. I went back to the car & there they were right beside me in the passenger seat where I had left them.
# 2 Stopped at Save-n-share in hopes of finding some cheap sweaters because it is so cold at the hospital. It seemed like each one I looked at slid right off of the hanger and into a heap on the floor. I'm embarrassed to admit I didn't pick them up. So if you go in there and see them think of me. In the future I intend to always pick them up.
# 3 Had to get gas because the light was on. Drove up to the pump, swiped the card, pulled out the nozzle, & realized the tank is on the other side. So I look around and of course the place is jam-packed & everyone & their dog is looking at me. So I get back in the car, turn it around to the correct side, re-swipe the card pull out the nozzle & nothing happens. After which the lady inside starts talking to me over the speaker (volumn was on high) & I couldn't understand a thing she said. So out she comes & informs me that I actually have to "select" which fuel I want. Who selects fuel? Not me.
# 4 Had to go cash a check at the bank. I put it in the silver drawer, they pull it in and directly shove it back out. You actually have to endorse checks in order to get cash. Never mind that for 2 years now I've worked at a bank & have repeated over & over that you must endorse your check.
# 5 I'm headed back to KC & my stomach starts growling. So I decide to eat at Taco Bell hoping they don't cook with the huge amounts of grease that McDucks does. I order my 3 tacos and water drive to the nearest window & pay for my food. The lady hands me my change along with my water, & I proceed to the second window, only there is no second window. So I peek in my rear-view mirror only to see the poor Taco-Bell lady with her handy little visor on, hanging half of herself out of the window with my tacos, hollering at me. Of course there were people behind me so I just kept driving. When I got to the other side, there she was storming across the parking lot with my "bag" of food. She looked at me rather oddly. I suppose I do look like a freak.
  So after more than one thing going wrong, I decided to go to Chenn & Gary's where I'm staying (thank-you to them) to hopefully allow my brain to recoop and get the few good parts back in order before I go up & see Olly. That little lady has no idea what sort of a mom she has. Thank goodness her dad seems to be much more normal.
  Speaking of Olly. . . she is now 3 lbs. 11 oz. so she is still getting bigger:) They said hopefully on Sunday we can start bottle feeding the little squirt. So it will be interesting to see how that goes. She is doing quite well, much to Josh & I's delight. Thanks again for praying for our little family. .
  You all have a wonderful evening. . .

From NICU. . .

. . . we say hello. Olly is turning into a "porky pig" she is now 3 pounds & 8 ounces. Isn't that huge? She is doing great. The nurses keep asking me if I intend to get her a little halloween outfit. Where in the world do I get such a tiny thing? One of them researched "build a bear" and that's where I'm supposed to go, so we'll see. I'm afraid that all of our checkbook entries will be things for Olly. . .how does one resist all those cute little things? I can't wait to take her home and give her a bath. I remember when mom gave my little sis a bath on the kitchen table in a bright yellow "tupperware" fix & mix bowl. That might be what we have to do.
  It appears that winter has set in again. I LOVE fall and all the colors that go along with it, I just can't bear all the white stuff that slows the whole world down. If only it would just come on Christmas Eve & last for two days and then vanish.
  I'm not very "inspired" in writing tonite, so I will not bore you any longer. I just want you all to know that Olly is growing like a weed, and all in all is doing very well for a preemie. So for that we are very thankful. Josh is all the way over in Mac Town & I miss him like craZy, Olly is in her little cage with all of the other little people that live up there, and Lizzy is running around in heaven watching everything we do. Doesn't life take some funny turns now and again? It's hard to keep up sometimes. Good night to you all & talk soon. . .

Dress Up Day

  Hello to all. I was thinking maybe I could start "blogging" again :) Thanks to everyone of you for your support in all the many different ways. Josh, Olly & I will never be able to thank each and everyone of you properly. So from the bottom of our hearts we want you to know how much it all means. You never want to have a funeral, but Lizzy's was lovely. When you go through something like that, you realize how much you need God. He seemed so close that day, there was a part of me that wanted to pack up my little family & go with her, but I guess it's not our time yet. It scares me to think of "normal" life just going on without her. I never want to forget her or the peaceful feeling we've had with all that's went on.

    Now about sis. . . I never thought I was a "girly" girl, but I think I may have been telling myself a story. Yesterday we got to dress her up in her little Preemie outfit, and I can't remember ever having so much fun. She just laid there like it was something that happened every day of her life. Altho I will say that getting that minature hand through the sleeve hole made me sweat bullets, I thought sure as the world I'd yank her whole arm out of the socket. She just kept laying there trying to cram her fingers in her mouth. She has no idea that she is a preemie, she acts like she was born at a completely normal size. She loves to watch everything that goes on, her head bobs back and forth from one side to the other staring at the sides of her isolette that hasn't changed for thirty-some odd days now. She weighs a whole 3 pounds & 2 ounces. So to us she seems substantially bigger.

 So. . . . here she is right after we got her clothes on:) If only I could copy & paste & whatever all it is that you do, I would get my scary face off of there. The white thing on her face is a white patch in the shape of a heart to keep her from yanking off her feeding tube. It is her favorite past time.

What are you doing to me?

To Lizzy. . .

. . . You came into our hearts & we fell in love with you so fast. You were so pretty we couldn't stop staring at you, I hope you didn't mind, we weren't trying to be rude:) Your dark fuzzy hair, your eyes that look like daddy, your little nose with tiny little holes, your mouth that mommy loved to watch because it was always so busy, & then your chin that had a teeny tiny dimple right in the middle. . . and you loved to wave at sis. Then there were your little frog legs, I couldn't get over how cute they were, you just had to have them the way you wanted no matter how any of us put them.
   But that was just the beginning, you changed our lives lil Lizzy. We will never be the same. You were as beautiful on the inside as you looked on the outside. I don't know what exactly it was, I still think maybe you were an angel. To look at you made us want to be a better person, and perhaps that is why God let us learn to know you before you left us down here. Because of you our faith is stronger, our hearts are softer, and we are more determined than ever to be what we should be. I know that life goes on down here so when you are watching from up there, remind us lil Lizzy, I'm sure we'll need it sometimes.
  Now we have to pick up and go on. We're not sure how we'll do it, but somehow we will. We will never forget you & no one will ever take your place, you were just as perfect as you could be. I thank God we still have your little look alike sis. I tell myself that we will always know what you would have looked like because you were identical. Someday I will tell her all about you and we will smile & cry together. Maybe you could be her guardian angel, it's a possibility that she'll need it every once in a while. She's awfully little now, but someday she'll be bigger & daddy & me will have to chase her around so we'll need your help:)
   Speaking of Daddy, next time you see him, you'll have to give him a big hug & a kiss on the lips. He fell hard for you, I hope that you know it. He loved when your little hand would squeeze his finger, & he would sit by your bed for hours, content to watch you. His eyes look awfully sad nowadays, sis. Someday you'll be able to hold his hand and walk with him, you on one side and  sissy on the other, I can hardly wait to watch.
  I know you are in a perfect place now and you are being well taken care of, so I wouldn't have you back, but we miss you so much. . . when we take Olly to the park, know that we want to take you too. When she looses her first tooth, we'll wonder about yours. When she realizes she can pick dandelions I'll pretend you're picking them too. The three of us are your number one fans. Always remember that. So to you Lizzy, we love you more than you'll ever know & we miss you dreadfully, but now you're perfect & they say God loves all of us more than we're capable of loving. So you're in good hands. Have a lovely time, & don't forget about us down here, we'll come find you someday.
 
   We love you baby girl, Daddy, Mommy & Olly


A part of me is broken
My heart has split in two
A part of me is missing
Because a piece is now with you
A part of me's not whole
My heart will never be the same
And it cannot be mended
Until we meet again

Sunday. . .

 . . .has been a wonderful day. We got up early & spent as much time with the girls as we possibly could. Josh has to start work tomorrow so we came home this evening, & I will go back in the morning. We miss them every second we're not with them. It is so strange to wake up every morning with a growing belly & then one day you wake up & it's gone & someone else is taking care of your little babies. I know they are well taken care of. . . but it's hard :)
   Lizzy is definitely on the mend. She looked like she always has today. We gave her a pacifier to see what would happen & at first I think she thought we were crazy, but then it looked like she figured it wasn't such a bad idea after all. Her sis really works hers over, smacking & chomping the whole way. I wonder if you can loose weight walking back & forth between incubators? If so, we will be sticks when this is all over. I'm pretty excited because tomorrow night @ 12:38 or 12:39 we have had those two little girls 3 weeks already. It's so hard to fathom that all of the sudden you have 2 children. Somedays I still feel 21. When I look @ them my mind always goes back to one of the first Dr. visits we had & it was a bleak situation. He didn't have much hope for the pregnancy & even mentioned termination. Not that he was supporting the idea, he just said some people delt with things differently. There was no way we have done such a thing, but it was hard somedays to stay positive, but for some reason we felt theses little ladies had a chance :) & now they are almost 3 weeks ! !
   Another Monday is around the corner, so to you all. . . have a good week & a good Monday if there is such a thing:)

Out With September

  . . . & what a way to leave it. As many of you know yesterday was a tough day. We had come back to Mac Town to take care of some things @ home & we were sitting at the table paying some bills & the phone rang. Nowadays I have my phone attatched to my body in case we get a call from Children's Mercy, & we did. I knew right away something wasn't right, and she asked me where we were. They didn't think Lizzy would make it much longer, and they were afraid we wouldn't make it up here in time. They thought she was going into kidney failure. . . . she pretty much stopped peeing & all of her numbers went crazy. I'm still trying to figure out the numbers, it's hard to understand all of them. So we jumped in the car and flew over here. We started asking people to pray for Lizzy, and I think nearly everyone we knew was praying for her. By the time we got here she was doing much better, she had wet her pants through to the bed, her renal ultrasound came back unremarkable ( which means they didn't find anything unusual ) and they were able to start turning down the oxygen.
     The Doc stopped by to explain it all to us. . . . most of it seemed to be in another language, but he said she was doing much better & that he wasn't sure which thing they had done that fixed it. I'm certain that it was the praying. Once again Lizzy has been rescued by prayers.
   . . . .  so this morning shortly after we got here, they came by on the usual morning rounds, and he told us she looked like a new baby, so we've had her another day. Now she is sacked out with her little bear by her side wearing her yellow ribbon and doing the occasional hand wave to nobody in particular. . . perhaps she's doing a signal to Olly who is 10 feet away also sacked out laying on Daddy's chest. . . .Maybe they have a special kind of communication that we know nothing about. We are just hanging out with the lil ladies today. Today they are both doing fabulous. . . .
  & once again we thank  you all. I'm quite convinced theses little girls are everybodies little girls :) So to you all, have a lovely weekend, remember not to run around at too great of a speed, & stop to smell the flowers.
    Love to you all, J & S & Olly & Lizzy