Sometimes. . .

   I just stand in the shower & cry. I just can't imagine that God has given us these two tiny little girls. They are so perfect to me. We had a lovely day today, probably one of the best days ever, because you see. . . we got to hold both Olly and Lizzy, and kiss their tiny little fury heads. Usually we would have done that for the first time 2 weeks ago, but they are minature humans. Olly arrived at Children's Mercy yesterday by plane, so now both of the girls have gotten an official ride in an airplane. She did great, the transport team said she appeared to be very opinionated. Can't imagine where she got that from. Now they are side by side. . . closer than in different hospitals. . . but not as close as they once were. I secretly tell myself that they know that they are close now, but I'm not too sure that they do. Between Josh & I we are going to wear a cattle path between their little incubators. You go to one and then realize you have another one so you go back to that one, and on and on it goes. A vicious circle really. I'm just delighted that we have two. For sure when we kept being told we would only have one, & now we have had both of them for over 2 weeks. It makes my heart happy. . . & I think it's been a miracle.

   Speaking of miracles. . . . .  I have been debating in my head whether or not I should tell my story, and I guess I've decided that I can. So to all who struggle and wonder if there is a God, let me assure you that there is. Never have I felt him so close. The night after they were born, I couldn't sleep, all I could think of was them, and I was terrified our little Lizzy girl wouldn't make it. So I prayed and cried all night. Close to morning it came to me that I should go out to the hospital court yard & walk through it and look at the flowers. . .
 ( Every time that Josh came to see me while I was in the hospital, he would take me to the court yard so I could get outside. In there were hundreds of hydrangeas, some were dead, and others just always stayed green, and never would they bloom. It always seemed so dis-heartening to me. )
   . . . . and that if I would find just one blooming, Lizzy would make it. It scared me to death. Faith has never been one of my strong points, & I couldn't make myself go out there & look. So four days later, just after they had told me that I would be released, I asked Josh to wheel me through there. Aways in, I couldn't see any blooms, and I felt sick. I hadn't told him why we were there so we kept on walking. . . . and then out of the corner of my eye was one perfect little hydrangea with a blossom that was white as snow. It was a smaller plant, made for a smaller than usual little girl & in my heart of hearts, I knew that God had put that bloom there for our little girl. She's made it. He didn't promise me how long, but that she would make it. I don't know what the future holds, but for today we are thankful, & our hearts are full.